Five months have gone past since I last wrote a blog post.
Where has that time gone? It makes you think, doesn’t it?
Not much has changed with me. I’m alright.
How have you all been?
Thank you to the person (if you’re reading this) who wrote to me asking for an update. I only just read your message. Apologies for the delay.
I’ve got a roof over my head. Food on the table. Money in the bank.
I’m still working full time and studying part time.
I don’t really know where I’m going though. There’s no grand plan. No big target. Nothing I’m particularly trying to achieve. I’m trying to find a purpose in life really.
Something that makes me want to get up in the morning other than the knowledge that if I don’t I won’t be able to pay next month’s rent.
I was thinking about time and life. Five months have gone by and I suppose the reason nothing has much changed is because I haven’t really changed anything. The weeks fly by so so quickly. If I had a purpose then I would feel like the weeks were at least paving the road towards something.
But at the moment, they’re just flying by, I’m plodding along and that’s it. If my life were on TV, you’d have changed the channel by now!
I’m alright though. I’m fine. I’m sort of just accepting that things could be worse and I’m grateful for what I do have.
I don’t know how to make things better because I don’t really know what I want. That’s the problem with a lot of people, they don’t know what they want until they have it.
I’m still single. I’m okay though. I’m used to that now. Of my 12 adult years, approximately 20 months of them have been spent in relationships. And in only about 5 of those months was I actually happy with the person I was with.
Whatever it is that people have that make them able to get into, and maintain, relationships I think is absent from my being. I think once you start thinking that about yourself, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and the confirmation bias (Google it) comes into play until it really is true.
So I don’t want to consign myself to a life of singledom prematurely but I tend to think it might be better to accept something like this rather than go through life striving for the unobtainable. That would be no fun whatsoever.
But I’m fine, really. I’m a solid five out of ten, sometimes even six. And for that, I am grateful.