I’m going to a wedding on Friday of one of my closest, if not the closest, friends. I’m one of his two best men for the day, and inevitably, it’s an occasion that got me thinking about relationships and stuff.
It’s also at the forefront of my mind because I visited my Mum at the weekend and met the new man in her life. Plus my brother, sister-in-law and niece were all there so everyone was being very coupley.
Which is not a problem, I hasten to add, I’m just saying.
The third thing making all this prominent in my mind is that I found out today that my very first girlfriend has just gotten married. For some reason, that depressed me.
She’s the only girl I’ve ever gone out with who broke up with me, rather than the other way around.
In this post, I mentioned being a passive user of online dating, which means I have a profile but don’t bother to actively search on it. I also mentioned having received a message from a potential interest, who I then replied to.
Well, this person sent me another message just before I went on holiday but I didn’t respond again before I went and I didn’t respond when I came back. Why? Because I don’t have the physical, mental or emotional resources. (I’ve disabled my account for this reason).
So what do I mean by that? Mainly that I don’t have the energy for the chase, the back and forth messaging, the thinking of what questions to ask, all the effort to make myself seem like someone she’d like to point. It’s just not for me.
And I just started thinking: what’s the point? Why am I doing this?
It’s almost like a chore. It’s like work. I’d almost go as far as to say it’s stressful.
And why would I add an unnecessary stressful, work-like chore to my life?
It should be effortless and natural but they (whoever they are) have turned it into a money-making business with a scientific formula. Well, no thank you very much.
But it’s not just that. I don’t think I can physically be bothered to date someone anyway. I seem to be in a place where I just see being with someone else as a massive hassle.
I don’t know why.
All I can think of are the negatives. You would be around that other person ALL the time. They want to see you almost every day, you have expectations to live up to, you are expected to do things for them, go places you don’t want to go and do things you don’t want to do.
I am so in love with my independence, I’ve lost sight of any of the positives of being in a relationship.
But I’m sort of pleased about that in a way because it means the burden is lifted. If you’re not looking to find anyone, then you can’t be disappointed if you don’t get anyone.
At the same time, I do wonder if this is the first step into becoming the male equivalent of a weird cat lady.
I’m actually amazed the human race isn’t extinct. I’ll tell you why. It’s basic learned behaviour, isn’t it? Have relationships that end in emotional pain for either party therefore it makes sense to stop getting into relationships.
If every time you got into a car, it crashed, you’d stop getting in cars wouldn’t you?
I’ll leave you to ponder that rather morbid, but I think valid, analogy.